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VIDEO: 10 most irritating things about Kenyans from Diaspora

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One time, a friend of mine went on a two-week tour of the USA and when she came back to Kenya, he couldn’t stop saying, “You know worr I am sayin?”

After visiting a foreign country, it’s normal to find locals adopting a tweng. Never mind, Kenyans who studied in India, Italy, Russia, Ukraine and Greece rarely return with accents that would make you mistake them for a Patel, Marco, Ivanov, Alexei or Costopoulos.

Here are 10 irritating things when Diaspora Kenyans jet home:

1. Ngai!..Am I safe?
This mohine who has lived in Dandora all his life, before getting a scholarship to study in some community church run college in Wyoming, will ask his childhood friends: “Is Buruburu safe after six?” when they ask him to join them for drinks.

2. Do you take cards?
Otieno, who grew up in Kasipul-Kabondo before he was saved by some missionaries who took him to Canada for college studies, will ask if he can swipe his Visa card at the local butchery.

3. Is that sparkling or orange water?
Seriously? How do you expect a shopkeeper in a sleepy village in Murang’a to stock sparkling water? People there drink water straight from Mathioya River and have never died of bilharzia…

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4. Like back in the US… my foot
Every sentence has to have a comparison of how different things are like back ‘home’ in the US of A… “This traffic… my God!… like back in the US there is nothing like this!” …”Like back in the US…things are efficient, there is service delivery… “

New York. PHOTO/FILE

5. Gas is petrol, right?
These Diaspora guys come and shortly forgot they called ‘ngata’ petrol. They call it gas and thus have to go to a gas station…  supermarkets are convenience stores. And they will ask whether you moved houses to a ‘Condo’… and when you zubaa whether they meant ‘kondoo’ they correct  that it’s ‘condominium’ back in Delaware…which is a Shagz like mid Atlantic State equivalent to Ruiru in Kenya. And by the way, nobody gives a rat’s butt what you call things in the US!

6. I can’t speak Luhya fluently
These are nincompoops who used to get the ‘disk’ for not speaking proper English or Swahili and always translated English from vernacular when talking during the Kibaki presidency. But now they proudly brag through their noses that “I only speak Luhya and Swa kidogo!”

7. Is mutura inspected?
Yes, we know Kamande the butcher handles money, and still uses the same hands to roast mutura. But we have been eating his food since we got our first jobs and nothing has ever happened…apart from an occasional stomach ache that Vodka quickly cured. But when these Diaspora charlatans come everything has cholera!

Kenyan traditional sausage (Mutura). PHOTO/FILE

8. Don’t you guys tip…
Tipping waitresses and bar maids is good. But many Kenyans who just landed from London take it a step too far. Hey will tip a waitress Sh1000 after paying a Sh1, 500 bill. They even tip gas station attendants!

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9. Overnight patriots
They look for Maasai market where they buy and wear Masaai shukas and sandals everywhere. They want African things. They want to tour the Maasai Mara, yet when they lived in Pangani estate they furthest they ever went was for a “loose mbuzi thing” (read goat eating) at Ole Polos in Kajiado.

10. Polite dictators
If they have been given stuff to deliver to you, they will make sure you pick them from where they are… like when they jet at midnight, you should be there because “I don’t want luggage!” and when they go to Mombasa, they carry your stuff and you have to wait for them.

-SDE

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Africa

VIDEO: Now DP Ruto, Aisha Jumwa tell Matiang’i off and call for his resignation

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Kenya’s Deputy President William Ruto has said all those mentioned in the latest fake gold scam should carry their own crosses and desist from dragging the name of the president into the scandal.

Without dropping any names, Ruto said that “the political conmen had now tuned to gold.”

Walipanda ndege hapa na kwenda huko Dubai na kufanya maneno yao. Wabebe mizigo yao na waache kumuingiza rais kwa mambo hayo,” said Ruto during a fundraiser at a church in Endebess, Trans Nzoia County,.

Meanwhile, Malindi MP Aisha Jumwa, a close associate of Mr Ruto, has asked for the immediate resignation of Interior Cabinet Secretary, Fred Matian’gi.

A section of Jubilee MPs havealso told ODM leader Raila Odinga to state what he knows about the fake gold scandal.

They said Interior CS Fred Matiang’i should also explain how the country’s security was protecting the premises with fake gold.

Speaking  on Saturday when they accompanied Deputy President William Ruto during the launch of various development projects in Trans Nzoia, the lawmakers asked Matiang’i to state what he knows about it.

The leaders were Governors Patrick Khaemba (Trans Nzoia) and Ferdinand Waititu (Kiambu), MPs Robert Pukose (Endebess), Aisha Jumwa (Malindi), Janet Nangabo (Women Rep, Trans Nzoia), Rahab Mukami (Women Rep, Nyeri), Mathias Robi (Kuria West), Janet Jepkemboi (Turbo), Gabriel Tongoyo (Narok West), Fred Kapondi (Mt Elgon) and Owen Baya (Kilifi North).

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This as it emerged that the Director of Public Prodecution, Nordin Haji, had defended President Kenyatta and former PM Raila Odinga.

Mr Haji issued a statement on Saturday about a recording circulated on social media that suggests that some information was relayed to President Kenyatta, Mr Odinga and Interior minister Fred Matiang’i, and that discussions followed.

He condemned the release and circulation of the recording, saying, “Such claims and their circulation through social media, specifically through leaked phone recordings in today’s age of real-time, borderless publishing, are alarmist and may needlessly cause disaffection.

He warned that “unless all facts are obtained and analysed, it is irresponsible and possibly unlawful to publish such material.”

SPEEDY PROBE

Mr Haji said he had personally received complaints from victims who said the person behind the scam had been invoking the President’s name in dealings and conversations.

“Having realised that they were conned on the availability of the gold, and the misleading knowledge and involvement of the President, the former Prime Minister and CS Matiang’i, they resolved to [file] a report [with] Kenyan authorities and cooperate with law enforcement in unearthing the under-dealings.”

The DPP said he had thus directed Inspector-General of Police Hilary Mutyambai to speed up the probe; he said the file should be forwarded to him in the next seven days.

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Mr Haji also asked members of the public with helpful information to report it to authorities.

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VIDEO: Vote for our very own top Diaspora Gospel Artiste Naomi Karanja

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It’s back.

The 2019 edition of Groove Awards with Safaricom event is officially here. As was the case last year and years before that, the awards will celebrate excellence in Gospel music in Kenya and across Africa.

Celebrated Gospel Artiste Naomi Karanja from Atlanta, Georgia, is one of the finalists in the Diaspora Artiste of the Year Category. Please take a little of your time to vote for here here.

Since 2004, Groove Awards with Safaricom has celebrated excellence in gospel music in Kenya and across Africa. The awards, entering their 14th year in Kenya (and 6th in Rwanda), are this nation’s most prestigious and recognized Gospel music awards event, enjoying regional resonance and relevance.

Groove seeks to promote gospel music as a message of hope and an avenue to address issues affecting young people across the African continent with a key focus on its main objective – “Shaping culture through positive content and entertainment.”

Groove Awards has seen over 1,800 artists/groups nominated and almost 400 Groove statuettes presented to gospel musicians in Kenya and beyond.

The Venue and date for this Year’s Gala will be communicated in due course.

 

READ ALSO:   VIDEO: Kenyans want Matiang'i sacked over this woman
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Embassy in US writes to Kenyan comedian inviting him to perform in Baltimore, Maryland

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Apopular Kenya comedian has been invited to the United States to perform at this year’s   Makadara Day celebrations, organized by the Diaspora Baltimore Community.

In a letter by Deputy Chief of Mission, David Gacheru, the comedian is invited to The Hermes Center of St.Demetrios 2504 Cub Hill Road, Parkville, 21234 to perform to the Diasporans on June 8, 2019.

“To have you as one of our guests would be an honor to the people who will be there and the whole organization,” read part of the letter.

According to the embassy,  the event is attended by a huge number of Diasporans every year.

An excited Omondi took to his social media platforms toannounce the development.

“We need private jet guys!!! Baltimore see you in two weeks,” he wrote.

 

In Kenya, the Madaraka Day celebrations will be held at the Narok stadium, where the committee chairman, PS Karanja Kibichio, had visited over the weekend.

He was visiting the place to inspect how prepared the County was ahead of the celebrations which will be held on June 1, 2019.

The Principal Secretary assured the public that the stadium would be ready by next week.

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