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VIDEO: 10 most irritating things about Kenyans from Diaspora

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One time, a friend of mine went on a two-week tour of the USA and when she came back to Kenya, he couldn’t stop saying, “You know worr I am sayin?”

After visiting a foreign country, it’s normal to find locals adopting a tweng. Never mind, Kenyans who studied in India, Italy, Russia, Ukraine and Greece rarely return with accents that would make you mistake them for a Patel, Marco, Ivanov, Alexei or Costopoulos.

Here are 10 irritating things when Diaspora Kenyans jet home:

1. Ngai!..Am I safe?
This mohine who has lived in Dandora all his life, before getting a scholarship to study in some community church run college in Wyoming, will ask his childhood friends: “Is Buruburu safe after six?” when they ask him to join them for drinks.

2. Do you take cards?
Otieno, who grew up in Kasipul-Kabondo before he was saved by some missionaries who took him to Canada for college studies, will ask if he can swipe his Visa card at the local butchery.

3. Is that sparkling or orange water?
Seriously? How do you expect a shopkeeper in a sleepy village in Murang’a to stock sparkling water? People there drink water straight from Mathioya River and have never died of bilharzia…

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4. Like back in the US… my foot
Every sentence has to have a comparison of how different things are like back ‘home’ in the US of A… “This traffic… my God!… like back in the US there is nothing like this!” …”Like back in the US…things are efficient, there is service delivery… “

New York. PHOTO/FILE

5. Gas is petrol, right?
These Diaspora guys come and shortly forgot they called ‘ngata’ petrol. They call it gas and thus have to go to a gas station…  supermarkets are convenience stores. And they will ask whether you moved houses to a ‘Condo’… and when you zubaa whether they meant ‘kondoo’ they correct  that it’s ‘condominium’ back in Delaware…which is a Shagz like mid Atlantic State equivalent to Ruiru in Kenya. And by the way, nobody gives a rat’s butt what you call things in the US!

6. I can’t speak Luhya fluently
These are nincompoops who used to get the ‘disk’ for not speaking proper English or Swahili and always translated English from vernacular when talking during the Kibaki presidency. But now they proudly brag through their noses that “I only speak Luhya and Swa kidogo!”

7. Is mutura inspected?
Yes, we know Kamande the butcher handles money, and still uses the same hands to roast mutura. But we have been eating his food since we got our first jobs and nothing has ever happened…apart from an occasional stomach ache that Vodka quickly cured. But when these Diaspora charlatans come everything has cholera!

Kenyan traditional sausage (Mutura). PHOTO/FILE

8. Don’t you guys tip…
Tipping waitresses and bar maids is good. But many Kenyans who just landed from London take it a step too far. Hey will tip a waitress Sh1000 after paying a Sh1, 500 bill. They even tip gas station attendants!

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9. Overnight patriots
They look for Maasai market where they buy and wear Masaai shukas and sandals everywhere. They want African things. They want to tour the Maasai Mara, yet when they lived in Pangani estate they furthest they ever went was for a “loose mbuzi thing” (read goat eating) at Ole Polos in Kajiado.

10. Polite dictators
If they have been given stuff to deliver to you, they will make sure you pick them from where they are… like when they jet at midnight, you should be there because “I don’t want luggage!” and when they go to Mombasa, they carry your stuff and you have to wait for them.

-SDE

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BREAKING: Legendary jazz musician Oliver Mtukudzi has died

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Veteran jazz musician Oliver Mtukudzi has died, TshisaLIVE can confirm.

Mtukudzi’s record label Gallo Records confirmed the news on Wednesday afternoon but said there were no details available.

The musician’s family is set to release a statement later this afternoon.

An outpouring of tributes has already flooded social media.

During an interview with TshisaLIVE a year ago, Mtukudzi spoke about his excitement of releasing his 67th album.

He said the most significant thing about his upcoming album, Hanya’Ga (Concern) was the message.

“My 67th album is meant to share a message of introspecting and I’m hoping people learn a thing or two from it. It’s an album I wrote last year after I realised that the world keeps getting tangled up in ‘unnecessary’ problems.

“All because we are focused on competing and being better than the next person. In so doing we keep stepping on each other’s toes but that is not how God created us. God meant for us to compliment each other, that’s why he didn’t duplicate talent,” he said at the time.

Source: www.timeslive.co.za

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FBI agents arrest three Kenyans in US over links to Isis

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Three Kenyans were on Tuesday arrested in the United States for their links to terror group Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS).

The three were nabbed by Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) agents. They were identified as Mohamed Salat Haji, Mohamud Abdikadir Muse and Muse Abdikadir Muse.

The three were arrested in Lansing, Michigan. They are said to have pledged allegiance to the Islamic state.

Mr Muse Abdikadir Muse was nabbed while on transit to Somalia.

“He was checking in for a flight on his way to Mogadishu, Somalia when he was arrested,” a statement by the FBI released on Tuesday stated.

Mr Muse Abdikadir Muse had earlier this month purchased air tickets to travel from the Gerald R. Ford Airport in Michigan.

CO-CONSPIRATORS

The US Department of Justice said his other two friends, described as co-conspirators, had assisted him in getting the ticket.

“They aided in the purchase of the ticket and drove Muse Abdikadir Muse to the Grand Rapids airport, each knowing the true purpose of the travel was for Muse Muse to join and fight for ISIS,” read the statement.

According to the FBI, the three recorded videos pledging allegiance to the group where they narrated their desire “to kill non-believers, and even to potentially use a car for a martyrdom operation to run down non-believers in the USA.”

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Despite their arrest, the American Government is yet to find them guilty of the charges.

Their arrest comes exactly a week after terrorists led by a Kenyan identified as Salim Gichunge attacked dusitD2 hotel and killed 21 people.\

NairobiNews

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‘Please help me return home,’ Kenyan legend runner living in the US pleads

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BY OLIVIA MUNGWANA

Kenyan distance running legend Henry Rono a broken man. He has been living in the United States of America for the last 32 years, in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Rono who is now 66, on Tuesday reached out to Nation Sport and sent a passionate appeal:

“I wants a ticket back home, please.”

“Yes, I would like the government to help me get back home by getting me a ticket… I can’t afford living in the USA. I’m getting old… Also, being away from home for over 32 years is too long,” added the legend.

The legend is currently a security guard at the Albuquerque airport.

“Yes, I did retire, but these other jobs are stressful and I’m too old,” he said. “Like now, I’m sick from working hard. Many of my fellow Kenyans are dying from stressful hard working jobs,” said Rono, who was given a lifetime achievement award by the International Association of Athletics Federations in 2008.

“I have been given another award in Belgrade but I’m able to attend because of stressful work. Like now, I’m in the bed and I’m unwell.”

But Rono’s daughter Maureen confirmed she had spoken to the legend, and that he has been unwell since last week. “He has been coughing for the last week, and I’ve been in touch with him. If he asked you to send out an appeal for help, you can go ahead and publish,” she said.

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Athletics Kenya President Jack Tuwei, meanwhile, said his association would be ready to help the legend.

“He did a lot for this country and we can’t fail to get help for him,” said Tuwei. “We need information such as costs of tickets, who he could be travelling with and other details, and then see how we can support.”

The Washington State University star alumnus had taken up coaching after his running career, this after alcoholism dented the highlight years of his spell that saw him shatter world records in the 3,000 metres (seven minutes, 32.1 seconds), 5,000 metres (13:08.4), 3,000 metres steeplechase (8:05.04) and 10,000 metres (27:22.47), all within 81 days across USA (California and Seattle) and Europe (Vienna and Oslo).

Source: nation.co.ke

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