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At 31, unmarried with a strong desire to have a family, Joy made adoption her first option

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Joy Mueni, 36, is a driven academic who received her MA at 23, and her PhD at 32. Although she does not think of herself as bold and daring, her friends and family believe she is. And so it was not a surprise when, at the age of 31, she decided to start a family but followed an unorthodox path that not many are brave enough to follow. She shares her story.

When I hit 31, I woke up one day and decided it was time for me to start a family. I often make plans for my life, and as you can imagine, I had planned that by the time I was 30, I would have my own family. I grew up in a small, close-knit family filled with lots of love. From the time I was a young girl, I always knew I wanted a family. Like many people, I thought that, at the right time, preferably 28 years of age, I would get married. I had everything planned from the colour, to the theme. The only thing missing was a groom. I had dated a bit but I had not met someone with whom I felt comfortable forming a life-long partnership. I started asking myself whether marriage was really for me. As I wondered and questioned myself, my friends were getting married.

As 30 approached, I found myself unmarried and with a strong desire to have a family. Then one day, it dawned on me that there are other ways of having a family as opposed to the mainstream idea of getting married and birthing children. I also realised that there were other definitions of what a family was and key to me was that a mother and her children are a family. I researched into alternative forms of having children — in line with God’s word — such as In Vitro Fertilisation and adoption. After intense research and prayer, I decided that I would adopt. Of course, I was scared and unsure but determined, nonetheless.

Telling my mother and family

The first person I shared the idea with was my mother and, at first, she was a bit hesitant. She asked me to think about it more. Though I believed in my idea, I respected her wishes and gave it six months before I broached the subject again. Six months later, after praying over it, I took her for lunch and told her that I had decided to adopt and she gave me her blessing.

Apart from my mother’s blessing, I knew that I also needed social support and that, I needed my extended family’s blessing. So, I toured the country from Nyeri to Makueni and Machakos informing my aunties and uncles of my plans. This was necessary as I wanted my children to be fully accepted by our relatives. They all gave me their blessings.

My adoption experiences

When I decided to adopt my first-born child, I was very unsure of the process. The good thing is that I love reading and so I took time and did a lot of online research on the adoption process. I settled on Kenya Children’s Adoption Agency that is based along Lang’ata Road. Once I visited, the officer there gave me a lot of information and I was satisfied that I was in the right place. I started the adoption process in mid-May of 2013 and by end of September, I had the child home with me.

After you take the baby home, there is a compulsory three-month bonding period with the baby after which, you are required to file your case in court. In that December, I remember I could hardly wait for the offices to open in January as I was in a hurry to go to court. I filed my petition in January and after several court appearances, I was granted full parental rights in May. Soon thereafter, I followed up with the registrar of persons and got an adoption certificate which I thereafter used to get a birth certificate and later a passport.

I never thought I would have my second child. But as her sister grew, I was convinced that adopting another child would be nice. The problem this time was that there was a moratorium on local and international adoptions. Since there was nothing I could do, I prayed that the moratorium would be lifted. When the local adoptions moratorium was lifted, I went to the first agency that got licensed. My experience with them was not as smooth as with Kenya Children’s Home Adoption agency. Nonetheless, I brought the child home on a cold Monday morning in November 2016. She is now over two years old. They both love each other and every time I look at them playing, I feel joy that I cannot compare with anything in this world.

I would highly encourage anyone willing to adopt to go ahead. The process is clear and straightforward. The only thing that you can’t determine is the time it will take. There are a lot of things that are not in your control or the adoption agencies’ control. Just start. As surely as the sun rises in the East, the process will come to an end in God’s perfect timing.

I have become happier. I am more focused and purpose-driven. I have become more responsible. Whatever I do or wherever I go, I know at the back of my mind that there are two children who depend on me for their survival. This is a great responsibility and I enjoy it. I like that I can mould them to be Christians and noble citizens.

When the children were younger, the greatest challenge I had was general fatigue. I have come to realise that we mothers are strong. There is a time that I survived on four-hour nights as the rest of the time was invested in taking care of the children. They would wake up at night and no amount of sleep training would help. The other challenge of course is financial. I wish I had more money to invest in them. As of now, I am content with what we have but of course more is required.

Source: Standard Media

 

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Entertainment

Ali Kiba finally reveals his marriage with Kenyan wife is almost dead but not yet over

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Singer Ali Kiba has revealed that things are not fine at home and it’s true his marriage to Kenyan lady Amina Khalef is currently on its death bed.

The singer, however, denied that the two have already divorced.

Speaking in an interview, Kiba said that a lot of rumours have been flying around about her union to Amina and most of it is not true. He, however, confessed that his wife had to be taken to back Mombasa as the two sort things out.

”It is true our marriage is on the rocks, but it is not true that I have divorced her.” he said. 

”I have not taken her back to Mombasa. It is also not true that she refused to stay with my mother and siblings. Stop spreading lies and work,” he added. 

By Ghafla

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Babu Owino takes on Mariga over relationship with Anne Thumbi

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Embakasi East MP Babu Owino on Wednesday took a dig at Kibra parliamentary seat aspirant McDonald Mariga, asking him to choose between Nominated MCA Anne Thumbi and the Kibra seat.

Through a post on social media, Babu said Mariga was wrong to associate himself with Thumbi since she had a son with the late Ken Okoth.

“This is the lady who had a baby with the late Hon Ken Okoth. Mariga must choose between the lady or the seat.

“Hauwezi dharau the late Ken by taking both his seat and his wife. Choose one Omwami,” said Babu.

Thumbi has been seen beside Mariga in recent days and a photo of her sitting next to the former Inter Milan midfielder evoked a number of reactions online.

On Monday, Mariga was cleared by the IEBC to contest for the Kibra seat after a decision to reject his candidature was overturned.

The tribunal, chaired by IEBC chairman, Wafula Chebukati, declared that Mariga was a validly registered voter and could not be denied his right to vie for Kibra MP seat.

“We make the conclusion that the complainant was duly registered as a voter. The respondent (Returning Officer) decision of September 10, 2019 declining the nomination of the complainant is hereby set aside,” said Chebukati.

The tribunal directed the Returning Officer, Beatrice Muli, to process the application for Mariga’s nomination immediately.

The tribunal’s verdict means that unless any case against him is filed at the High Court, Mariga’s name will be on the ballot on November 7.

By Standard.co.ke

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Polygamous MP proudly parades his two ‘First Ladies’ during political rally

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Nakuru East Member of Parliament, David Gikaria, recently excited a public gathering when he paraded and introduced his two wives to a gathering.

The incident happened during political rally under the ‘Inua Mama’ campaign in the MP’s home turf.

When invited by Nakuru Senator Susan Kihika to ‘greet’ the crowd, Gikaria seized the opportunity to introduce his wives.

“I’m the Nakuru East MP and when one has a wife or wives, he has to acknowledge them. I have several Nakuru Town East First Ladies. Let me introduce them to you,” Gikaria said while beckoning his wives to the podium.

Both wives stepped forward with smiles on their face as they waved to the cheering crowd.

POLYGAMY

“This is Veronica Wairimu, she is the First Lady number one. And this one is Dorcas Wangui, she is also the First Lady number one B. First Lady number one C is not here, but I will bring her here another day,” the MP said while alternately embracing each of his two wives.

Gikaria’s declaration is well within Kenya’s law which allows a man to marry more than one woman.

In 2013, President Uhuru Kenyatta signed into law the Marriage Bill which legalised polygamy.

It brings civil law, where a man was only allowed one wife, into line with customary law, where some cultures allow multiple partners.

By Nairobi News

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