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Why are marriages nowadays breaking up easily? Women speak out

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Divorce is now normal. We have couples seeking legal help with the intention of divorce just weeks into their marriages. Things must have taken a sharp turn somewhere along the way because 50 or 60 years ago, the situation was different.

Couples stayed married. Families were bigger then and one would imagine that this made marriage harder but somehow, people managed to stick together till death tore them apart.

Those past relationships which had staying power are best exemplified by *Nancy Muthumbi, a mother of six, who has been married for an enviable 38 years.

OUT-OF-WEDLOCK COHABITATION

During their time, she says, out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation were unheard of. She thinks that the reason the above situations are now commonplace is that people no longer take marriage seriously, and that the men and women of the good old days are in short supply.

There is also concern that today’s generation is vain. Nancy agrees that the statistics and news reports are alarming but she is of the opinion that little of it has to do with morals or lack thereof.

When you speak with her, you realise that relationships of the past generation were not as rosy as we imagine. Marriages lasted longer but they were just as, if not more bumpy. Couples just dealt with issues differently.

“Back then, there was a tradition of duty but today’s tradition is one of self-fulfillment. Marriage was much more than a relationship between you and your spouse. You kind of had a duty to stay in it,” she explains.

Not that she did not think about leaving, she did. Many times. Having been married in church, she had this strong belief that God had put them together, so splitting would have been akin to going against God’s will.

Like Nancy, *Rhoda Kananu has had a not-so rosy-marriage, riddled with heavy drinking and emotional abuse. It has been 33 years since she said “I do.” She reckons that the youth today have higher expectations of marriage than she and her peers had back then.

“I realised this when three of four years ago, my older children suggested that I get a divorce. The older ones have seen it all, so when they got stable jobs, they wanted me to get away,” she says.

CONSIDERED DIVORCE?

If it was that bad, how come she never considered divorce?

“I have been a shopkeeper all my life. Going through a divorce seemed like a complicated process, I would not have known how to go about it. I did not know anyone who had done it. Today’s woman is able to stand on her two feet and can thus take the easy way out.”

Also, the society today accepts it. The one time that Rhoda attempted to go back home with the aim of starting life over, she was ordered right back to her husband.

Knowing that you have nothing to fall back on should your plan of starting over fail, definitely magnifies the fear of the unknown. Divorce ceases to look like an option.

Those that have experienced it will tell you that it takes a lot of work to move on from infidelity. One wonders how a woman could take decades of it and still manage to be a present mother.

How do you manage to stay in a relationship even after the glue that is supposed to hold it together has been wiped clean? How do you continue to look him in the face every morning after he has broken your heart knowing that he is going to do it again?

COMPARTMENTALISE EMOTIONS

“You compartmentalise your emotions,” shares Terry who is a little younger than the two women. Terry, a retired teacher has been married for 26 years. She shares that had she been born at a time like now, she would get divorced. It is too late for her now, she says with resignation.

She explains how she did it, “You stop treating marriage like a source of happiness. It becomes like a rite of passage. Like initiation or baptism. Take the good you can from it and shut out the rest.”

Marriages, it seems, have not changed much, but goalposts have. While success of those of the past was measured by how long the marriage lasted, success in marriage today is measured by individual happiness.

By NairobiNews

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Kitany’s says she was the forth woman to be married to Linturi after divorcing the first three

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  • Marianne Kitany, the estranged wife to Meru Senator, Mithika Linturi, on Wednesday, revealed hitherto undisclosed details about their relationship. She said that Linturi had married three women and divorced them before he seduced her.
  • She also revealed how she pampered him during their happier times.Testifying in their divorce hearing at a Milimani court, Kitany told the judge that on more than one occasion, she personally dug deep in her pockets, just to express the love she had for the senator.

    She alleged that when they first met, Linturi was broke and could not afford rent. The former aide to Deputy President William claimed that she invited Linturi to live in her house in Kileleshwa.

    “I came to learn later that he had rent arrears and I assisted by paying…he asked for some money to pay rent and much later I got to see letters from the landlord. I gave him Ksh 200,000,” Kitany disclosed.

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    File photo of Marianne Kitany, the estranged wife to Meru Senator Mithika Linturi

    The court also heard that on December 2014, the couple travelled to Australia to enroll all their children in school at a cost of Ksh11million, which she paid.

    Kitany added that on December 2015, she forked out another Ksh 800,000 after they both took their family to Mauritius for a two-week trip.

    The former chief of staff at Ruto’s office further revealed how, in January 2016, the two hired an architect and started the construction of their house in Meru, at a cost of Ksh36million.

    “The chunk of that money was from my pocket…I gave Ksh26million. I gave out that money because we had agreed to stay together as husband and wife,” she claimed.

    Kitany also told the court that it was after they got married that people saw a change in him, specifically in grooming.

    “I cooked good food for him and took very good care of him,” Kitany noted.

    Linturi, on the other hand, had disputed marrying Kitany and stated that he was legally married to Mercy Kaimenyi at the time Kitany claimed they were in a relationship.

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    File photo of Meru Senator Mithika Linturi

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Matiangi orders the closure of all bars in the country for two days and Kenyans react

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As expected, Kenyans have taken to social media to air their views after Interior Cabinet Secretary Dr Fred Matiang’i ordered the closure of all bars countrywide for two days. Most of them did not take the order very kindly.

Speaking at Embu Stadium on Wednesday, the CS directed all bars and social places be closed starting Saturday 5pm due to the national census exercise.

He said that would ensure that all Kenyans are at home so that they can be counted.

We are going to close all our social places especially the bars at 5pm to give you an hour to be home before the enumerators arrive at 6pm so that they can find you at home,” the CS stated.
John Kaka wrote: Government officials are issuing orders willy nilly.  This is another form of impunity.  Is this even lawful?
Joyce Muthoni: Someone should sue Matiang’i. This government has a tendency of treating the citizens as though they are all kindergarten kids.
Magarajoe:  Wafunge wasifungi, I don’t care. Mimi sinywi pombe.

KNBS to begin census exercise countrywide
KNBS to begin census exercise countrywide

 

During the address in Embu, Matiang’i also sought to assure Kenyans of their security during the exercise. He said that the enumerators will not be strangers since they are people from appointed from their respective sub-location.

 “No one will come from outside their sub-location, which means they know people around there, they are known and they know their way around,” he said.

The CS assured Kenyans that security will be beefed up and all security personnel have been recalled from leave to ensure that the exercise is carried out effectively.

He also issued a stern warning to those who will purport to be monitoring the census exercisewithout clearance adding that foreign agencies and individuals had been vetted for approval.

The census will start on August 24th 2019 and end on August 31st 2019 and the enumerators are expected to take about 30 minutes in every household.

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Marianne: Linturi seduced me when DP Ruto sent me to convince him to drop impeachment motion on Waiguru

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Former Deputy President William Ruto’s chief of staff has told a court of law that she first met the lawmaker at the DP’s office in 2013.

Marianne Kitany told Chief Magistrate Peter Ngare that Meru Senator Mithika Linturi seduced her when her former boss, Ruto, sent her to convince the senator to withdraw an impeachment motion he had tabled against the then Devolution Cabinet Secretary Anne Waiguru.Kitany, who has sued to divorce the senator, also averred that on the day Linturi was to move the Waiguru impeachment Motion in Parliament, the two were “having a good time” in Naivasha.She said she had just been appointed Ruto’s chief of staff and Linturi had successfully defended his Igembe South MP seat on a TNA Party ticket.

Kitany recalled that the then Igembe South MP frequented the DP’s office after the March 4, 2013 General Election “with a lot of complaints.”“The DP, as a result, gave me strict instructions to deal with Linturi’s regular complaints,” Kitany said.That order by the DP, she said, marked the beginning of her frequent interactions with Linturi.It is for the reason that she was tasked to persuade the MP to drop his Motion to impeach Waiguru who at the time (2014) was battling a storm over the Sh791 million National Youth Service (NYS) scandal. “Between 2013 and when he filed the impeachment Motion against Waiguru in May, 2014, Linturi and I hadn’t gotten into a romantic relationship,” she told the court.

Kitany, who is being represented by lawyer Danstan Omari, said in June 2014, when Linturi was given the go-ahead to table the Waiguru impeachment Motion in Parliament, Ruto implored upon the MP to drop the plan.The lawmaker, however, proved “difficult” prompting the DP to ask her to intervene, Kitany testified.“And when the impeachment motion was first tabled in Parliament, Linturi and I were at Lake Naivasha Sopa Lodge having a good time,” said Kitany.In mid-June 2014, Linturi’s impeachment motion against Waiguru was thrown out due to a “technicality” as the vocal lawmaker had failed to show up in Parliament to give notice.But according to Linturi, he “acted out of respect for President Uhuru Kenyatta”, whom he claimed had prevailed upon him to drop the motion.

In December 2018, Kitany filed for divorce, accusing the senator of infidelity, bigamy and mistreatment.In late December 2018, Linturi attempted to throw Kitany out of their Runda home, but a Nairobi court barred him until their divorce case was heard and determined.Linturi, on his part, said he had never exchanged wedding vows with Kitany, and that, according to him, she was only a “visitor” who got comfortable in his home.Kitany will continue to testify today.

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