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Why are marriages nowadays breaking up easily? Women speak out

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Divorce is now normal. We have couples seeking legal help with the intention of divorce just weeks into their marriages. Things must have taken a sharp turn somewhere along the way because 50 or 60 years ago, the situation was different.

Couples stayed married. Families were bigger then and one would imagine that this made marriage harder but somehow, people managed to stick together till death tore them apart.

Those past relationships which had staying power are best exemplified by *Nancy Muthumbi, a mother of six, who has been married for an enviable 38 years.

OUT-OF-WEDLOCK COHABITATION

During their time, she says, out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation were unheard of. She thinks that the reason the above situations are now commonplace is that people no longer take marriage seriously, and that the men and women of the good old days are in short supply.

There is also concern that today’s generation is vain. Nancy agrees that the statistics and news reports are alarming but she is of the opinion that little of it has to do with morals or lack thereof.

When you speak with her, you realise that relationships of the past generation were not as rosy as we imagine. Marriages lasted longer but they were just as, if not more bumpy. Couples just dealt with issues differently.

“Back then, there was a tradition of duty but today’s tradition is one of self-fulfillment. Marriage was much more than a relationship between you and your spouse. You kind of had a duty to stay in it,” she explains.

Not that she did not think about leaving, she did. Many times. Having been married in church, she had this strong belief that God had put them together, so splitting would have been akin to going against God’s will.

Like Nancy, *Rhoda Kananu has had a not-so rosy-marriage, riddled with heavy drinking and emotional abuse. It has been 33 years since she said “I do.” She reckons that the youth today have higher expectations of marriage than she and her peers had back then.

“I realised this when three of four years ago, my older children suggested that I get a divorce. The older ones have seen it all, so when they got stable jobs, they wanted me to get away,” she says.

CONSIDERED DIVORCE?

If it was that bad, how come she never considered divorce?

“I have been a shopkeeper all my life. Going through a divorce seemed like a complicated process, I would not have known how to go about it. I did not know anyone who had done it. Today’s woman is able to stand on her two feet and can thus take the easy way out.”

Also, the society today accepts it. The one time that Rhoda attempted to go back home with the aim of starting life over, she was ordered right back to her husband.

Knowing that you have nothing to fall back on should your plan of starting over fail, definitely magnifies the fear of the unknown. Divorce ceases to look like an option.

Those that have experienced it will tell you that it takes a lot of work to move on from infidelity. One wonders how a woman could take decades of it and still manage to be a present mother.

How do you manage to stay in a relationship even after the glue that is supposed to hold it together has been wiped clean? How do you continue to look him in the face every morning after he has broken your heart knowing that he is going to do it again?

COMPARTMENTALISE EMOTIONS

“You compartmentalise your emotions,” shares Terry who is a little younger than the two women. Terry, a retired teacher has been married for 26 years. She shares that had she been born at a time like now, she would get divorced. It is too late for her now, she says with resignation.

She explains how she did it, “You stop treating marriage like a source of happiness. It becomes like a rite of passage. Like initiation or baptism. Take the good you can from it and shut out the rest.”

Marriages, it seems, have not changed much, but goalposts have. While success of those of the past was measured by how long the marriage lasted, success in marriage today is measured by individual happiness.

By NairobiNews

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UoN masters degree finalist who sells eggs appeals for a job

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A jobless graduate who’s finalising his masters degree is appealing for well-wishers to give him a job. Dennis Obiri Ogola from Ndumbuini in Kabete sells boiled eggs despite having a diploma, degree and is set to complete his master’s programme in early 2021.

“I’m currently doing my masters and I’m in my last semester of the coursework. I have a diploma in Procurement and Supply Chain Management from the Kenya Institute of Management and a Bachelor of Commerce degree (Procurement and Supply Chain Management option) from the University of Nairobi,” says Dennis.

Humble background, hawking eggs, rent arrears

The soft-spoken Dennis hails from a humble background and is the firstborn in a family of six children. Wellwishers enabled him to pursue his studies and he dreams of helping his younger siblings get a good education.

“I was helped by a children’s home to complete my primary school education. I joined high school in the same children’s home and because of my good manners, they offered to further my education. I did my diploma and after scoring a second class (upper division) in my degree, I got sponsors for the Master of Business Administration (MBA) programme at UoN,” he says.

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Dennis got into the eggs business after another well-wisher was touched by his plight and gave him the startup capital even though the proceeds scarcely meets his needs. On a good day, he makes Sh300 profit which he reinvests in the business, leaving him with peanuts to live off.

“I have some rent arrears but I spoke to the landlord and he’s understanding- but at the end of the day, he wants money.” Photo: Courtesy.

 “After hearing of my situation, an empathetic Human Resource practitioner in a financial institution gave me capital to start this business selling eggs and smokies. In a day, I sell a tray of boiled eggs at Sh600 (Sh20 per egg), making a Sh300 profit. I spend Sh300 on eggs for the next day and use some of the remaining money buy saviets, onions and tomatoes for kachumbari , wrapping papers and tomato sauce. The remainder of the money cannot pay my rent. I have some rent arrears but I spoke to the landlord and he’s understanding- but at the end of the day, he wants money,” he says.

“The far I’ve reached, it’s taken a lot of patience and perseverance. I would like to appeal to anyone with a job to offer me the opportunity. I dream of at least helping my siblings,” concludes Dennis, who has over ten certificates.

You can reach Dennis on 0705446010.

by SDE

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Aisha Jumwa, aide fail to take plea in murder case

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BY KEVIN KOECH

Malindi Member of Parliament Aisha Jumwa and her aide Geoffrey Otieno will spend another night in police cells pending bail ruling in a murder case against them.

The two were arraigned in a Mombasa court on Thursday and charged with the murder of Gumbao Jola who was killed in the chaos that ensued during campaigns for a by-election in Ganda Ward on October 15, 2019.

They denied the charges before Mombasa High Court Judge Lady Justice Njoki Mwangi.

The defence lawyers led by Danstan Omari, Jared Magolo and Cliff Ombeta asked the court to release the suspects on reasonable bail terms.

The lawyers accused the state of frustrating the lawmaker who is also facing graft charges and urged the court to free the two on bail.

Earlier in the day, Justice Mwangi was forced to briefly defer plea taking to allow the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP’s) office to avail missing mental assessment report for Jumwa’s co-accused.

The judge also questioned the validity of Ms Jumwa’s medical report, which the court noted bears a signature that’s not that of a psychiatric known to be conducting the assessments in Mombasa.

The prosecution, however, explained that the medic who appends his signatures on the report has retired and that the procedure was done by his colleague who is currently in charge.

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Comedian Othuol Othuol’s father speaks for the first time following son’s death

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BY KEVIN KOECH

Father to the late Churchill show comedian Othuol Othuol has today spoken for the first time and revealed that he was against his son’s comedy career.

Peter Omondi, Othuol’s father, disclosed that he always felt like comedy was a lazy man’s career which he did not want his son participating in.

Due to his father being against his dream career, the late Othuol Othuol had to leave home in Nyanza unknowingly and go to Nairobi where he joined Churchill’s comedy group.

However, with time as his son’s popularity grew, the late Othuol Othuols’s said that he came to accept his chosen career.

Othuol’s new path and fame brought a lot of popularity in the family that his father had to always be careful wherever he went.

This fact gave Othuol’s father so much pride as he realised that he now had someone to answer to and protect his image.

Speaking about his son’s life, Peter Omondi said that Othuol’s passion for comedy began at a very early age.

He wished that he knew better to encourage his son’s passion instead of discouraging him. He was very proud that Othuol still forced himself to do what he loved.

“I didn’t want him to do comedy. I always thought comedy was for those who didn’t want to work hard. From that, i knew that you must identify your kid’s talent and be serious with it,” Othuol’s father said.

The 56-year-old Peter, also talked about a side of Othuol Othuol that many people did not know about.

According to him, his son Othuol was a brilliant kid in school who would often be in the first position.

However, he would always turn the tables around and become last in his class in case his parents failed to acknowledge his efforts.

Othuol’s character was also very surprising to his father, as the late comedian always hang out with kids below his age and joke around a lot.

According to Peter, Othuol did not like being around his peers or older kids.

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