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Why public proposals aren’t so cute after all

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Police arrests, bikers’ mob, Airport arrival… they’re not shooting _ a movie or video. It’s a marriage proposal. Hopeful grooms, it seems are increasingly willing to put in time, effort and money to impress their significant others. But just how many of these brides-to be fancy the idea of a public proposal?

Coercive? “It all depends with your partner. In my case, I had sort of given up on my bae proposing. So yes, it was quite a surprise. In fact, of all things he’s ever tried surprising me with, this was an all-time win. Since he knew me too well, it was clear that the idea of a public proposal would work for me,” Chebby Milly says.

Colluding with his friends and her family, her Prince Charming Terence Creative, brought Kimathi Street to a standstill. You see, Milly was accosted by about 20 askaris and while trying to sort the matter out, a group of friends pulled up with placards reading ‘Will You Marry Me.’ He then got down on one knee holding an engagement ring and asked for her hand in marriage.

She acknowledged her boo’s creativity. “He has an impeccable taste and creativity… I said yes… those policemen wawawa… Kimathi street was blocked, Nation Centre was at standstill. I felt loved,” she adds. She, however, insists public proposals would not work on everyone. “If your partner isn’t so much of an outgoing social person, then this would definitely not sit well with them,” she says.

Ulterior motive?

It didn’t work for Karen Nzioka. She had been admitted to the bar and had a congratulatory party. Family and friends including her boyfriend had been invited. Although they had issues threatening to press the kill switch in their relationship, she still felt that he needed to be there.

As the boyfriend everyone knew including family, he was called to give his congratulatory speech. He talked, and talked then he called her up. She joined him. Down, he went on his knee. A question dropped from his mouth. “Will you marry me?” he asked. All at the party: Father, mother, grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, friends and enemies looked. It was Karen who spoke next. She said ‘No’. You see he had caught his girlfriend with another man, few weeks before. And now he was proposing? Anyone would read either malice or complete desperation and manipulation in this, no?

But how can you say ‘no’ when dozens, or hundreds, or thousands of people are eager for you to say ‘yes’? “Unless you have already agreed to get married and a proposal is just icing on the cake, public marriage proposals are almost always a form of manipulation,” says Syaviha Mulengya promoter of peace in marriage.

Syaviha Mulengya, relationship counsellor.

“If you know that proposing at her graduation party or your friend’s wedding or at a restaurant would add too much pressure to her, then you must not ask her in that way,” he says. “And if you’re happy knowing you are essentially coercing your partner into saying yes, then you need to reassess your life and step back from the relationship altogether until you have fully understood the point of mutual respect,” he adds.

Be on the same page

But if you’re interested in proposing in public, what should you do? “It’s a personal decision based on the couple,” says Sammy Baya, relationship counsellor and expert in marriage.

“First, you better be absolutely sure your partner wants to marry you before you ask in public. Make sure your partner is okay with public attention. If this person is really introverted, private, doesn’t like attention, it’s probably not a good idea,” sociologist Jackline Wamunyu says. “Doing it in public is always a bigger risk. If you want to go the safe, conservative route and make sure all of the attention stays on her, do it in private,” she adds.

Jackline Wamunyu, practising sociologist

But some people may say “yes” in public, but then reconsider their decision later. Wamunyu advises people being proposed to in front of an audience to be honest and not get distracted by everyone looking on. “Don’t ever get pressured into marrying somebody because you might end up looking bad in front of everyone else. If this is not the right person, say ‘no’. It’s okay,” she says.

So what do you do if she says ‘no’. “Well, It might be that turning down the proposal means that you will break up, so you should be prepared for this possibility. However, it may be that your partner wants to stay with you, but does not want to marry you (yet). In this case, it’s time to dig into the details,” Wamunyu says.

BY PD, CATHERINE NJIRU


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Lifestyle

Female client smashed my windscreen with a gun – Bolt driver

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A Bolt driver was on Wednesday night left with a broken windscreen after a female client allegedly smashed it with a firearm in a row over Sh320 fare.

According to the driver, Brown Mwangi who posted his predicament on the Uber drivers Facebook page, his client was being dropped in Karen’s Kwarara road when the incident happened.

The driver added that the lady asked him to leave her premises immediately after dropping her off.

He said she told him that the money she owed him would be sent to him by her boyfriend later.

“Upon arrival she told me to go eti her boyfriend will send me money 320. I insisted I will pack outside the gate till my money is sent,” Mwangi wrote.

It is then that the client reportedly left for the house and returned with a gun and smashed the car windscreen.

She further bragged to the driver that she was the daughter of a big shot lawyer.

“She later went inside came with gun and smashed my car windscreen saying her father is a big lawyer and I will take her nowhere. I managed to drive all the way to Hardy police station,” Mwangi added.

On Thursday Mwangi mentioned that the matter was being handled by his lawyers.

“I had to go see my lawyers for advice. Now heading to Hardy police station meeting the OCS,” he added.

He also said he had received another windscreen from well-wishers to replace his smashed one.

“Abt wind screen I have already received new windscreen to be fix tomorrow from some well wishers free of change,” he said.

by NN


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Ditch fancy hairstyles, makeup police boss orders female officers

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The National Police Service (NPS) has been asked to ensure that female police officers are not violating the service’s prescribed dress code.

In a communication circular made on Wednesday, Deputy Inspector-General of Police Edward Mbugua said it had been observed that female officers were wearing their hair in unacceptable styles which violate the dress code.

Mr Mbugua asked female cops to ensure they have proper inconspicuous hairstyles that do not interfere with the wearing of headgear and avoid unnatural makeup.

“I draw your attention on service standing orders Chapter 11 dress-code regulations which stipulates clearly on how officers should wear their hair,” reads part of the circular.

The regulations require female police officers to style their hair in a way that does not extend beyond the collar of their blouse, interfere with wearing of all official headgear and not fall over the ears or on the forehead.

According to the code, officers’ hair should not be dyed in conspicuous unnatural colors, and where accessories are used to secure the hair, they should be plain in design and of a color that blends with the hair.

For female officers using make-up, Mbugua indicated that it should be subtle, discreet, and only natural and clear polish may be used.

Nail extensions are prohibited while tattoos shall be covered at all times.

The police boss also ordered all regional commanders to ensure the dress code is strictly observed by their juniors, with action to be taken against those who violate.

In August, Inspector General of Police Hilary Mutyambai asked all officers to observe high etiquette, especially on social media, in circular dated August 4, 2020 and titled ‘Dress Code Regulations’.

The IG pointed out that disregard of the dress code violates regulations as provided under Chapter 31 of the Service Standing Orders (SSO).

“Police uniforms should not be worn with any visible article of civilian clothing, articles or anything that is not police uniform. Mixing of uniform will not be allowed,” Mutyambai said in the letter.

He also cautioned officers against uploading videos on social media while dancing or uttering obscene words while in police uniform.

Mutyambai further directed police bosses to ensure compliance of these guidelines by officers under their command.

By NN


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Business

Top athlete turns to jiko-making to beat pandemic

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They say a man must do what a man must do.

This idiom has become a reality to Dominic Samson Ndigiti, the reigning Africa U20 10,000 metres walk race champion and former World U17 10,000 metres walk race bronze medalist during the Covid-19 times.

Ndigiti, who has won Kenya a gold medal at the Africa Under-20 Championships held in Abidjan, Ivory Coast, has been crisscrossing the country, doing what he now loves to do most: Making affordable, energy-saving jikos – charcoal cooking stoves.

Coronavirus pandemic

Though the walking race champion learnt the skills of making this particular kind of jiko in 2018 when in Finland where he had gone for a competition, he did not put them to use until when coronavirus hit the world, putting a break on most sporting activities.

“I saw the whites making the jikos in 2018 when we had gone to Finland for Under20 competitions. It took a week for me to learn. But I started being serious when coronavirus hit us. The jikos now earn me a living,” he said.

The 20-year-old says the modern jikos use charcoal or firewood.

“It uses less firewood and it has a chimney, which helps keep smoke out of the house. It is not a complicated jiko and long after cooking is done, it conserves heat because of the clay bricks used,” he said.

The jikos are of different sizes and can fit in any kind of house be it permanent, temporary or semi-permanent.

“I do not discriminate for which house to make my jikos. Charges vary according to sizes. A one-stoned jiko goes for Sh3,000, two 4,500, three 6,000 and four and above goes for Sh10,000,” said Ndigiti.

He says that materials needed include cement, clay bricks, fireproof and red-oxide paint.

Different work

Ndigiti says many people see him as a successful person owing to his record in the walking race, but the tough times have forced him to work differently.

“I am grateful because Kenyans have responded very well to my venture. I have visited many counties in the past few months, making jikos. Before coronavirus, I did not know my home county of Kisii well, though I have was born and brought up here, but making jikos has made me a tourist,” he said.

Ndigiti, who hails from Marani sub-county in Kisii County, schooled at Kiandega High School in Nyamira county and developed a passion for the walking race while in Standard Six.

He says he was inspired by his teachers.

“I am glad for the achievement I have made in walking race. That is another gift in addition to walking that God has given me. Many people in Kenya do not know this kind of sporting activity. China, Spain and Japan top the competitions,” he said.

The IAAF World U18 Championships is an international event bringing together athletes from all over the world who are 17 or younger.

“Coronavirus brought a lot of problems in the world and we couldn’t go out to compete. I hope this will end soon. But this pandemic has made me learn the hard way. Talents are to be exploited, no matter how much little income they bring,” said Ndigiti.

He is hopeful that after the pandemic, he will represent Kenya in the Olympics and will bring home a gold medal.

Ndigiti comes from a humble family and his success in the walking race has not taken away his humility.

Ruth Mbula | Nation Media Group

“We live life easy. Living well with people has taught me a lot during this coronavirus time. The requests to make more jikos is overwhelming,” he said, adding that Elgeyo Marakwet Woman Rep Jane Kiptoo has already asked for his help in making more than 100 jikos for women groups.

He says most of his clients are women. “They have embraced my idea of making our kitchens look better.”


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