Connect with us

News

My wife of 30 years lied that our firstborn is my biological son

Published

on

I married my wife almost 30 years ago but only because she was pregnant. I was reluctant to take her in but due to pressure from my mother, I gave in. I was almost sure that I was not responsible for the pregnancy, though. She gave birth to a baby boy, who is now a young adult. Some 10 years after we got married, an old man from a neighbouring village started claiming that the boy was his grandson. I confronted him about it, but he was evasive, yet he continued laying claim to the boy. I talked to my father-in-law about the matter, but he was not of much help. Apparently, I knew the purported father of the boy, since we grew up seeing each other. Years later, my wife’s phone rang while we were having supper. She did not receive the call but instead disconnected it and deleted the number, which I thought was peculiar. I demanded to know who had called, but she explained that the call was from a pastor who was hitting on her. I did not buy the explanation and decided to investigate the matter, which led me to the suspected father of “my son”. To cut a long story short, my wife admitted that this boy I had assumed was my son was indeed another man’s. By then, he had already completed Form Four and I was the one who had been paying school fees and taking care of his needs alone as his father without any assistance from the mother. I later took the boy to college, which he completed, but I remain a disturbed “father and husband”. When I think of it all, at times I become very angry with myself. Here is how things stand:

1. The trust that I had for my wife is gone; what do I do about it?

2. I have been doubting that these other children I am bringing up are mine: how do I banish these doubts?

3. How do I relate to this boy that I have brought up yet is not my biological son?

4. My wife is reluctant to let go of the boy, yet I feel that I have done more than enough for him. Do I chase both of them out of my home? I cannot imagine the boy being my heir.

5. I did mention that I talked to my father-in-law about my concerns but he was not of any help. This eroded my trust in him. And as things stand, he might be involved in the cover-up. How do I handle this matter going forward? Note that my father passed away and my only existing uncle has got issues with our family.

Thanks in advance for saving a soul or more.

Thirty years of marriage is a long time, and a lot has happened within this period, including raising your son and even taking him to college. I call him your son because you are the only father he has known.

I therefore congratulate you on a job well done despite knowing that your wife lied to get married to you.

Looking at where the two of you are at the moment, it is important to approach this issues with a sober mind.

The fact that you have proved her to have lied should not be used as a weapon against her. Your broken trust can only be rebuilt starting with forgiveness.

It is also important to ask yourself certain key questions: first, should your children, including your boy, suffer because of your wife’s mistake?

Second, if you had not discovered this lie, would anything have changed in the way you relate to your wife and your children?

Third, what angers you most — is it the fact that you were lied to or that you ended up educating a boy that was not your own flesh and blood?

REBUILD TRUST
Do you find any pleasure in having given this child an opportunity to grow and become the best he can be?

Of course this discovery has caused you lots of pain. Doubting your wife’s past and future actions seems to be dealing a blow on your healing.

Rebuilding trust will help lessen these doubts. It will definitely hurt you and your children if these doubts are allowed to manifest.

It is said that people who are hurting tend to hurt others, consciously or unconsciously. Your actions therefore must not be driven by revenge.

You may not be this boy’s biological father but you raised him. You have loved, cared for and educated him.

In addition, even though the mother, while knowing who the real father was, chose to keep it from you, rejecting the boy will not make things better or ease the sense of betrayal you feel.

I think you would be stooping low to throw out your son or wife after 30 years.

I suggest that you sit down with a counsellor and share your disappointment and current disillusionment. Talking about it with a professional will help you make sense out of this.

Confucius, the Chinese philosopher, once said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

Remember that in every difficulty hides a blessing. As for forcing your wife to abandon your son, no one can deprive a mother of her relationship with her child.

She is his biological mother and it would be naive to expect her to abandon him.

I see your call on her to let go of her son as a sign that you still love her, but you do not want this boy in your life since he reminds you of a lie you would rather not confront.

It also appears as if the boy is now receiving the brunt of your anger.

Do not direct the anger you have towards your wife to an innocent young man who had nothing to do with the pain you are going through.

As I said earlier, your son knows no other father but you. It would break his heart if you rejected him.

Angry as you may be, I don’t think this is what you would want for him.

FORGIVENESS
I am sorry that your father-in-law is not supportive of you. If he was aware of the lie or not, possibly, his fears are based on the resultant consequences, which are now apparent.

I acknowledge that not having any other person to share this with makes it harder for you. That is why I advise that you see a counsellor.

All of us sin and make mistakes, but an offer of a hand of forgiveness does not condone the mess your wife made.

However, if she has remained faithful after that incident, forgiveness is the only sure way you can give your family a future.

The children you have with her don’t have to face the pain of divorce or separation brought about by an issue about which you can make a decision to forgive and work out with your wife in time.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

News

Here’s how DP Ruto’s Daughter Performed in 2019 KCPE

Published

on

  • Deputy President William Ruto is one proud dad after his daughter, Abby Ruto, emerged as one of the top candidates in KCPE 2019, with 406 marks.Speaking to Kenyans.co.ke, Abby’s mother, Prisca Bett, was overjoyed beyond words, going on to state that she was very proud of her.
  • “Abby was confident about the results but she kept telling me that the Kiswahili paper was really hard. I knew she’d do well,” an ecstatic Prisca narrated.

    She was a candidate at Greenvalle Academy in Uasin Gishu county.

    Deputy President William Ruto. His daughter Abby was among the top performers emerged in KCPE 2019.

    She went on to reveal that her daughter’s preferred school was Kenya High School and that she was also overjoyed by her results.

    DP Ruto came clean about his daughter Abby back in 2017, going on to acknowledge that he was her father and had always ensured she had his full support.

  • The release of the national examinations came barely 17 days after 1,088,986 pupils took part in the annual exercise.

    Magoha announced that the Form One selection process was set to commence on Tuesday, November 19.

    “By December 2, every child who sat KCPE 2019 will know what school they will join. Ksh 8 Billion has been put to improve infrastructure in high school and primary school,” Magoha announced.

    Abby Ruto (l) and her mum Prisca Bett (r) pose with a Masaai.
    Abby Ruto (l) and her mum Prisca Bett (r) pose with a Masaai

Continue Reading

News

Nyeri man, 88, who killed son freed

Published

on

An 88-year-old man suspected to have shot and killed his son with arrows following an altercation has been released by the High Court on a Sh500,000 bond with a similar surety.

Mr Francis Mwangi Karebe was released by Justice Abigail Mshilla after a favourable pre-bail report indicated that his family and neighbours were willing to accommodate him and pay for his bail.

Mr Karebe is accused of murdering his 42-year-old son, Simon Macharia on October 13, 2019 at their home in Peter Ciira village Mathira East sub-county, Nyeri.

The pre-bail report filed in court by Ms Faith Nzivulu indicated that there was a long-standing strained relationship between Mr Karebe and the deceased, who was alcoholic.

“The victim had separated with his wife and it was not the first time they had an altercation but it was never suspected it would take the ugly turn. The accused lost his wife five months ago,” stated Ms Nzivulu.

In the report, the family said Mr Karebe’s continued stay at the police remand and his subsequent absence at home caused them sleepless nights.

“They are willing to accept him back, his absence is causing them sleepless nights,” the report stated.

The villagers described the accused as a peace-lover and a mediator. “Mr Karebe is aged and ailing, he has blood pressure and is currently on medication. He is not a flight risk,” said Ms Nzivulu.

The prosecution led by Ms Emma Gicheha did not oppose the bail application. The state counsel also indicated that the accused was unlikely to interfere with the prosecution witnesses.

 “The accused is hereby advised to observe timeliness on both hearing and mention dates of the case. He should not interfere with witnesses and must be of good conduct during the bond period. On breach of the terms the bond will be cancelled,” said Justice Mshila.

The trial will start on February 10, 2019.

by nation.co.ke

Continue Reading

News

Why Amos Wako was banned from setting foot on US Soil

Published

on

The US has banned Busia Senator Amos Wako, his wife Flora Ngaira and son Julius from entering the country and doing business with it over corruption allegations while he was attorney-general.

In a statement, US Secretary of State Michael Pompeo also banned Mr Wako’s wife Flora Ngaira, and son, Julius Wako.

This means that Mr Wako, wife and son will not be allowed to visit America or transact any business in that country with companies affiliated to Americans.

“Today (Monday), the Department designates former Kenyan Attorney General Amos Sitswila Wako due to his involvement in significant corruption,” said the statement that was released on Monday evening.

Mr Pompeo said the designation was made under Section 7031(c) of the Department of State, Foreign Operations, and related programs appropriations Act, 2019 (Div. F, P.L. 116-6), as carried forward by the continuing appropriations Act, 2020 (Div. A, P.L. 116-59).

Section 7031(c) provides that, in cases where the Secretary of State has credible information that officials of foreign governments have been involved in significant corruption, those individuals and their immediate family members are ineligible for entry into the United States.

The law also requires the Secretary of State to publicly or privately designate such officials and their immediate family members.

“Today’s action sends a strong signal that the United States is a valuable partner in Kenya’s fight against corruption.  Economic prosperity for all Kenyans is only possible by defeating the scourge of corruption, which also requires a functional, fair, and transparent criminal justice system,” said Mr Pompeo

He added that the United States will continue to stand with all Kenyans as they strive to curb and punish corruption in Kenya.

Mr Wako may still be allowed onto US soil if he visits as a member of the Kenyan delegation to the UN meetings or if the UN invites him, even though his movement could be restricted.

Continue Reading


Are you looking for a Church to fellowship in Atlanta Metro Area?

poapay3

Like us on Facebook, stay informed

NEWS TRENDING RIGHT NOW

2019 Calendar

satellite-communication1.jpg

Trending

error: Content is protected !!