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My wife of 30 years lied that our firstborn is my biological son

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I married my wife almost 30 years ago but only because she was pregnant. I was reluctant to take her in but due to pressure from my mother, I gave in. I was almost sure that I was not responsible for the pregnancy, though. She gave birth to a baby boy, who is now a young adult. Some 10 years after we got married, an old man from a neighbouring village started claiming that the boy was his grandson. I confronted him about it, but he was evasive, yet he continued laying claim to the boy. I talked to my father-in-law about the matter, but he was not of much help. Apparently, I knew the purported father of the boy, since we grew up seeing each other. Years later, my wife’s phone rang while we were having supper. She did not receive the call but instead disconnected it and deleted the number, which I thought was peculiar. I demanded to know who had called, but she explained that the call was from a pastor who was hitting on her. I did not buy the explanation and decided to investigate the matter, which led me to the suspected father of “my son”. To cut a long story short, my wife admitted that this boy I had assumed was my son was indeed another man’s. By then, he had already completed Form Four and I was the one who had been paying school fees and taking care of his needs alone as his father without any assistance from the mother. I later took the boy to college, which he completed, but I remain a disturbed “father and husband”. When I think of it all, at times I become very angry with myself. Here is how things stand:

1. The trust that I had for my wife is gone; what do I do about it?

2. I have been doubting that these other children I am bringing up are mine: how do I banish these doubts?

3. How do I relate to this boy that I have brought up yet is not my biological son?

4. My wife is reluctant to let go of the boy, yet I feel that I have done more than enough for him. Do I chase both of them out of my home? I cannot imagine the boy being my heir.

5. I did mention that I talked to my father-in-law about my concerns but he was not of any help. This eroded my trust in him. And as things stand, he might be involved in the cover-up. How do I handle this matter going forward? Note that my father passed away and my only existing uncle has got issues with our family.

Thanks in advance for saving a soul or more.

Thirty years of marriage is a long time, and a lot has happened within this period, including raising your son and even taking him to college. I call him your son because you are the only father he has known.

I therefore congratulate you on a job well done despite knowing that your wife lied to get married to you.

Looking at where the two of you are at the moment, it is important to approach this issues with a sober mind.

The fact that you have proved her to have lied should not be used as a weapon against her. Your broken trust can only be rebuilt starting with forgiveness.

It is also important to ask yourself certain key questions: first, should your children, including your boy, suffer because of your wife’s mistake?

Second, if you had not discovered this lie, would anything have changed in the way you relate to your wife and your children?

Third, what angers you most — is it the fact that you were lied to or that you ended up educating a boy that was not your own flesh and blood?

REBUILD TRUST
Do you find any pleasure in having given this child an opportunity to grow and become the best he can be?

Of course this discovery has caused you lots of pain. Doubting your wife’s past and future actions seems to be dealing a blow on your healing.

Rebuilding trust will help lessen these doubts. It will definitely hurt you and your children if these doubts are allowed to manifest.

It is said that people who are hurting tend to hurt others, consciously or unconsciously. Your actions therefore must not be driven by revenge.

You may not be this boy’s biological father but you raised him. You have loved, cared for and educated him.

In addition, even though the mother, while knowing who the real father was, chose to keep it from you, rejecting the boy will not make things better or ease the sense of betrayal you feel.

I think you would be stooping low to throw out your son or wife after 30 years.

I suggest that you sit down with a counsellor and share your disappointment and current disillusionment. Talking about it with a professional will help you make sense out of this.

Confucius, the Chinese philosopher, once said, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

Remember that in every difficulty hides a blessing. As for forcing your wife to abandon your son, no one can deprive a mother of her relationship with her child.

She is his biological mother and it would be naive to expect her to abandon him.

I see your call on her to let go of her son as a sign that you still love her, but you do not want this boy in your life since he reminds you of a lie you would rather not confront.

It also appears as if the boy is now receiving the brunt of your anger.

Do not direct the anger you have towards your wife to an innocent young man who had nothing to do with the pain you are going through.

As I said earlier, your son knows no other father but you. It would break his heart if you rejected him.

Angry as you may be, I don’t think this is what you would want for him.

FORGIVENESS
I am sorry that your father-in-law is not supportive of you. If he was aware of the lie or not, possibly, his fears are based on the resultant consequences, which are now apparent.

I acknowledge that not having any other person to share this with makes it harder for you. That is why I advise that you see a counsellor.

All of us sin and make mistakes, but an offer of a hand of forgiveness does not condone the mess your wife made.

However, if she has remained faithful after that incident, forgiveness is the only sure way you can give your family a future.

The children you have with her don’t have to face the pain of divorce or separation brought about by an issue about which you can make a decision to forgive and work out with your wife in time.

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Retired architect found dead, lying behind sofa inside house in Tena Estate

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A 70-year-old man was yesterday found dead inside his house in Tena Estate, Nairobi County.

The deceased, said to be a retired architect, was living alone in the house where he was found dead in the sitting room.

Huge smoke billowed from the two-bedroom house at 6am, raising suspicion among neighbours who were preparing to go to work. They called the police who broke into the house and found the body lying behind a sofa set.

His bedroom was intact, with his mobile phone fixed on the wall to charge. The entire Umoja Innercore Estate, which neighbours the area, had a power blackout the whole night.

Police suspect the deceased could have lit a candle and fallen asleep before it burnt out and started the fire.

The fire believed to have originated from the sitting room burnt three seats while the carpet and another seat remained intact.

According to the caretaker of the house, Charles Oyange, the man came in at 5pm on Tuesday, parked his Volkswagen car and had a hearty chat for about one hour before he retired to the house.

“Mzee was in a jovial mood and parked his car, which he bought a month ago,” said Oyange.

Buru Buru OCPD Andamson Bungei said the cause of the fire was yet to be established, but investigations had been launched.

By SDE

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Business

PHOTOS: Bizarre case as thief falls fast asleep after breaking into journalist’s house

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In a bizarre case, a thief who broke into a journalist’s home fell fast asleep midway through his crime.

Confirming the incident in an interview with East Africa Radio, ITV Zanzibar presenter Farouk Karim said that the thief accessed his compound by scaling the perimeter fence.

According to the journalist, the thief stole shoes and clothes from the hanging line before setting his eyes on his car’s power windows. Recounting the fateful night happenings, Farouk said he’d left home early in the morning only to receive a call that a thief had been found at his home.

“I left my house for morning exercise and that’s when I received a call that a thief had been caught at my house; I was shocked. Some of the youths I was exercising with accompanied me and we found the thief was actually not in the house, but my car.

“We found him dead asleep in the car with all he’d stolen the previous night on his lap,” he said.

According to the journalist, the thief easily accessed the car as the doors were not locked and proceeded to steal the power window mechanism from the passenger’s door.

“I think as he tried removing the power window from the driver’s side and that’s when he fell deep asleep.”

Fast asleep

Farouk further revealed that an angry mob gathered at the scene of the crime baying for the thief’s blood.

“I stopped them from beating him up as it was inside my compound; should anything have happened to him, I would have been held accountable.”

That’s when he called law enforcement officers who arrived and handcuffed the thief, who was still fast asleep. He was roused from his deep sleep and taken to the police station.

“We accompanied him to the police station as one would a bride on her wedding day. I think he fell asleep after getting contended with his loot.”

Responding to numerous enquiries from callers insinuating that voodoo had something to do with the incident, Farouk stressed the importance of prayer.

“The easiest way to make a thief fall fast asleep is praying to God to protect you and your home.”

By SDE

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Africa

Woman with world’s longest nails reveals how she lost them

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Lee Redmond hasn’t cut her fingernails since 1979.

She dips them in warm olive oil every day and uses bottle after bottle of strengthening and polish to keep them in top condition.

At their longest, her nails on both hands measured a staggering 8.65m in total – earning her the Guinness World Record for the longest fingernails on a pair of hands (female).

She said: “It was just a challenge to myself to see how far they would go before they started twisting out of shape.

“I kept setting dates and dates that I was going to cut them and I just couldn’t do it.

“It’s strange how they become part of you.

“I think my fingernails defined me to a lot of people, I was known as the fingernail lady but to me, I would have to explain to them there really is more to me.”

She was devastated when she lost her nails [Photo: Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images]

But grandmother Lee, from Salt Lake City in the US, had her place in the record books cut short when she was involved in a terrifying car crash and her nails were ripped off.

She was sitting in the passenger seat when the car she was in crashed into another three vehicles, and she was thrown onto the road.

She said: “The first thing I spotted was a fingernail and I started crying.”

She told a witness at the scenes that her nails were record-breaking, and the woman went around and collected all the pieces of nails – which Lee now keeps in a plastic bag to remind her of her time in the Guinness book of fame.

She said: “It was just something I had to accept because I couldn’t change anything.

“The thing that bothered me was, it becomes your identity. I felt I had lost part of that.”

The accident means that while Lee still holds the record for the longest ever, she doesn’t hold the current record – which belongs to Ayanna Williams.

But she looks back at her time with long nails with pride, even though there were many things she struggled to do due to her extraordinarily long nails.

She became known as “The Nail Lady” [Photo: FilmMagic]

One of them was going to the toilet on a plane, and the nails meant she didn’t fit into the small cubicles.

This meant she had to not eat or drink for 24 hours before every long flight.

But she says she could manage to do most other things, including looking after her grandchildren, washing up and writing.

She used to use long pencils with rubbers on the end to type.

But the most common question she used to get asked? How she went to the loo.

Her answer: “Carefully”.

By Standard.co.ke

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