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How nuclear family failed the extended family

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Decades ago, extended families culturally and naturally were seen as the ideal family set up. All members supported the overall economic wellbeing of the family, as well as ensured 1 proper socialisation of children. They actively participated in bringing up children and ensuring that proper moral values upheld by society were taught.

However, with the rise of modernism and industrialisation, changes in the family structure was noted. It led to the emergence of the nuclear family. In Africa whereas we have many collectivistic cultures that uphold the extended families, the influence of colonisation and urbanisation brought about the rise of nuclear families. People moved into urban areas for green pastures and a civilised life. This affected socialisation of children. Individuals back in the villages were being brought up to move to modern industrialised towns to work, as opposed to support their parents in their home.

And now in the 21st century, the nuclear family’s existence is being viewed as brittle. Even fragile. And they are easily disintegrating into single parent families, co-parenting, living together apart, among others.

Asha Mmbali’s parents separated when she was young, she barely has memories of how old she was. She saw him once in 2005, then again in 2018. He was in contact with her mother though. Asha only got to know relatives from her mother’s side, but this connection also ended with the passing on of her grandmother who was the main glue that helped hold relations together.

Good old days

“We used to be close when my grandmother was alive. We would meet back in the village during the holidays, and those of us who lived close to the village would be there on the weekends. We learned our mother tongue because of her influence. When my grandmother passed on, everyone went on with their own lives and no one was left to influence us. Before my grandmother passed on, we would meet at home yearly. Nowadays, it either when someone is getting married, or accidentally matching schedule—when you go to the village and find another relative there,” shares the 28-year-old accountant.

Mumbali wishes her grandmother was still around because because the family has drifted further apart. Her fear is even more for the coming generations of the family.

In a recent radio interview, a popular coast based female artist got embarrassed after being asked about her family, especially her famous late grandfather, who is a veteran musician in the country. She barely knew much about the family, especially about her grandfather that everyone believed she inherited her talent from.

“I honestly feel attacked and ambushed. I know my grandfather was famous and known for his musical talent, but I really don’t know much about him. I never got to know him.

And I was never told that much about him, as much as he is my father’s father. I am just an artiste on my own and we have lived life away from the village. But this is a wake-up call too, I will make a point to visit my grandmother and ask her all these questions about who my grandfather was as a person. And maybe visit my aunties too,” she said.

Psychologist Tracy Nyaguthii breaks it down that when a nuclear family is isolated from the extended family there tends to be pressure on each other. However, when members of the nuclear family establish contact with the extended family, a lot of that tension is diffused.

In an extended family where adults enjoy social support [provision of love, care and advice] these positively impacts their mental well-being, it enables an individual to have a positive outlook to life, increases their selfesteem and helps them cope better. Adults and children in extended families who enjoy social support have reduced depressive symptoms.

Young and aged benefit

“Members of the nuclear family need to be open to enjoy relations with their extended relatives. Older members of the extended family also benefit from their interactions with their grandchildren as well as their children. It eliminates loneliness, which can negatively impact their mental and physical health. They are able to pass cultural teachings, language, values to children, which keep them active and help them feel wanted or important,” Nyaguthii says.

On the other hand, children gain a sense of belonging, identity and gain healthy selfesteem. This positively impacts their psychological wellbeing. Children learn how to care for others and not be selfish. “With the rise of nuclear families, children are taught autonomy. The downside of this individualistic mindset is that it affects their intrapersonal relationships with others. This makes them have smaller social support networks, lower emotional competence, and lower intentions to seek help from family for personal problems, which negatively impacts their overall mental health,” she adds.

Vital unit

Child psychologist, Florence Mueni, shares that as much as parenting has changed through time, especially with the custodians of family and culture being left in the villages, while the rest chase after success and growth in the city, extended family still remains a vital unit in a child’s life and growth and should not be secluded.

Florence Mueni,

“Back in the days, we all knew that it took a village to raise a child, nowadays, it takes only mum and dad and sometimes just one parent. The extended family was a great support system for parenting, which is slowly drowning. For this reason, some children don’t even know where they come from. The extended family enables a child to form a sense of attachment. The extended family provided a genogram for children, important to help a young person understand who they are. For instance, children may have genetic problems, but faill to know it because they just don’t know their people well,” she says.

She adds that adolescents have a higher need for identity. It is at this age that they start looking at their family background as a whole. Who they are, where they come from. Personality is shaped by values of extended family. All of which is important to a child.

By PD.co.ke

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Lifestyle

Woman surprisingly receives cash after praying to God for help

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A woman identified as Maine21089868 recently shared some pretty good news on Twitter.

According to the young woman, she had received KSh 4,000 from a stranger after she had prayed to God for some help with money since she was broke.

“So yesterday I prayed to God asking for money because I am so broke, after an hour someone sent KSh 4,000 in my account written ‘TASK’, up to now I do not know who sent it,” wrote the lady.

According to the lady, she did not ask anyone for money and is convinced that miracles do exist.

“I did not ask anyone for money. Miracles still exist. Thank you, Jesu. #Level1Lockdown #HambaMzimbaSalaNtliziyo” she wrote.

In her post, she also included a screenshot of the funds that were miraculously deposited into her account only an hour after she asked God for it.

Twitter users shared mixed reactions to her post, wondering how they could achieve similar luck or “blessings”.

@ZAMONEYM9 said:

“I am praying for a share in your KSh 4,000.”

@2liKhumalo said:

“What are the exact words you used in your prayer?”

@BrianVukile joked:

“These miracles only happen to females.”

By Tuko.co.ke

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Entertainment

Mother-in-law actor Mustafa, wife announce pregnancy in adorable photo

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Talented Mother-in-law actor Dru Muthure alias Mustafa and his wife cannot wait to welcome a new member into their small family.

Mustafa announced that they are expecting through his various social media pages.

Mustafa who also doubles up as a Hot96 FM presenter shared a photo of his wife rocking a huge baby bump.

The excited man could not hide the joy and captioned the photo saying:

“My heartbeat in one picture.”

Mother-in-law actor Mustafa, wife announce pregnancy in adorable photo

Mother-in-law actor Mustafa and his wife are expecting their first child. Photo: Dru Muthure.
Source: UGC

Kneeling, Mustafa adorably held the baby bump with a wide smile spread on his face.

His wife on the other hand appeared overwhelmed. It appeared as if the two were feeling the baby kick.

Congratulatory messages

Following the announcement, the thespian’s friends flocked the comment section to show their love for the couple.

Many congratulated them for their blessings while others welcomed him to parenthood.

An Instagram user identified as Lydiah Gitachu wrote:

“Awesomeness, congratulations!”

A fan by the name Nelly_munga commented:

“Congratulations to You.”

Owens_wanjiru commented:

“Congratulations! Love just got real! So very excited for you.”

A few months ago, Mustafa celebrated his birthday in hospital despite thinking his big day would be filled with boredom and sadness.

Despite his condition, the people who love him showed up to cheer him up so he could experience some kindness and joy on his big day.

His friends and family arranged a surprise party and visited the actor with goodies and a cake.

The thespian who turned 41 was surrounded by love, cake, laughter, good times and a lifetime’s worth of memories.

By Tuko.co.ke

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Lifestyle

Lawyer Donald Kipkorir sees off daughter as she goes back to school in London

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Popular city lawyer Donald Kipkorir is not only an accomplished affluent advocate but a proud dad who has never shied from showing off his beautiful daughters.

The lawyer is known to have heavily invested in his children’s education which he showed while sending one of his daughters for studies oversees.

As schools slowly re-open in England months after they were closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the lawyer had to send his elder daughter back as shared on his Facebook page.

Well, the lawyer did not just take her to the airport and saw her off. No! he had a dad-daughter moment and did what any parent would have done – prayed for her safety.

“Seeing off my beloved daughter returning to school in England…so proud of her…May the Lord bless thee, and keep thee,” he wrote.

Lawyer Donald Kipkorir sees off daughter as she goes back to school in London

Donald Kipkorir is not only an accomplished but also affluent advocate. Photo: Donald Kipkorir.
Source: Facebook

“The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace!” he added.

Unlike her initial trip, she wore a white pair of pants, a white top, covered up with a black half jacket and appeared not to be ready for a photo as she faced away from the camera.

The girl, who is a mirror image of her father, had initially posed for a similar photo at the international airport in January 2020 when she was leaving for school.

Kipkorir is one of Kenya’s most elite and successful lawyers as his law firm (KTK Advocates) has represented a vast number of clients.

The flamboyant lawyer previously revealed his secrets to success through social media post titled Jabez Prayer: My Life is Abundantly Blessed.

He revealed how he was brought up in a poor family that he actually wore shoes for the first time when he joined secondary school.

He added that he once worked for Bungoma Senator Moses Wetang’ula in the 90s and ended up setting his own law firm.

According to the religious advocate, his clients are State corporations, banks, insurance companies, energy companies, universities, high net-worth individuals and ministers.

In his entire life, he said, he has never been a broker, never taken money other than legal fees that are receipted, has no bank loan, debts and pays his taxes.

By Tuko.co.ke

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